Can you imagine dating two guys at once? I don't think so. So why would someone date a guy while pursuing a relationship with Jesus?
This is a subject I explored in the early days of my vocation discernment. Should a young person, girl or guy, date while discerning? Some people have different opinions on this subject but the answer is really simple. No, you shouldn't date while discerning a vocation to the religious life. To see why one shouldn't date while discerning, let's examine the purposes or ends of discernment and dating.
So really, dating and discernment are very similar processes. Ultimately, you're trying to figure out where you're called to spend the rest of your life. The difference is with whom!
Some people will tell you that you need to date someone first before discerning a religious vocation. Go have that experience to see if you want it. But if you feel God is calling you to be His bride, why go around with other guys? Being Christ's bride is a wonderful and great calling, therefore, if we feel drawn towards that, we should discern that first. (The same goes for guys. To serve Christ and His Church as one of His apostles in the Holy Priesthood is a privileged calling. If you feel the call to this vocation, you should, therefore, discern it with your whole being.)
We are taught to give everyone and everything our best. Therefore, why wouldn't we give Our Lord our best effort? Discern your vocation without reserve or other obligations. If you would try to pursue a relationship with Our Lord and a guy at the same time, things would get confusing very quickly. Our human emotions and attractions to physical attachment can blur our vision.
You may think to yourself, "I still like guys. I would love to be married and have kids. Does this mean I'm not called to the religious life?" Not necessarily! We're all human and as humans, God has designed us for marriage ("male and female He created them.") Marriage is a good thing and a natural desire. A vocation to the religious life, however, is not natural. It is supernatural. When Christ calls someone to the religious life, to complete and total union with Him, He is calling them to rise above their natural passions and enter into a supernatural relationship. To give up everything and follow Him. He is calling them to a great sacrifice. That's exactly what this vocation is. A sacrifice of self. So don't be worried or distressed if your imagination strays with thoughts of romanticism but calmly and patiently refocus your mind on discerning God's will and not your daydreams.
It is natural for us as humans to desire marriage but to desire a life of sacrifice with Christ is a desire placed on your heart by God. Don't ignore it. Listen and follow it. God may just be calling you to a life of divine love, union with Him, and more spiritual children than you can count! Whatever you do, whether dating or discerning a religious vocation, seek God's perfect and holy will. As long as we strive to do His will, we can't go wrong.
This is a subject I explored in the early days of my vocation discernment. Should a young person, girl or guy, date while discerning? Some people have different opinions on this subject but the answer is really simple. No, you shouldn't date while discerning a vocation to the religious life. To see why one shouldn't date while discerning, let's examine the purposes or ends of discernment and dating.
What is the purpose of discernment?
Now, discernment comes from the Latin word "discernere" which means "to separate." So in the discernment of our vocations, we try to step aside (separate) from distractions and our own desires in order to find God's will. We try to figure out or see what our calling from God is. If you think God might be calling you to the religious life, you discern more deeply that possibility. A vocation to the priesthood or religious life is a special calling from God to a special relationship with Him. |
| Photo credit: I'm Mary Katherine Photography |
What is the purpose of dating?
When you court or date someone (especially in the Christian world) you are trying to find the person you are going to marry and be with for the rest of your life. Dating isn't just a fun outing with a friend. It's a time set aside between two people so that they can get to know each other better and discern God's plan for their lives.So really, dating and discernment are very similar processes. Ultimately, you're trying to figure out where you're called to spend the rest of your life. The difference is with whom!
Some people will tell you that you need to date someone first before discerning a religious vocation. Go have that experience to see if you want it. But if you feel God is calling you to be His bride, why go around with other guys? Being Christ's bride is a wonderful and great calling, therefore, if we feel drawn towards that, we should discern that first. (The same goes for guys. To serve Christ and His Church as one of His apostles in the Holy Priesthood is a privileged calling. If you feel the call to this vocation, you should, therefore, discern it with your whole being.)
We are taught to give everyone and everything our best. Therefore, why wouldn't we give Our Lord our best effort? Discern your vocation without reserve or other obligations. If you would try to pursue a relationship with Our Lord and a guy at the same time, things would get confusing very quickly. Our human emotions and attractions to physical attachment can blur our vision.
You may think to yourself, "I still like guys. I would love to be married and have kids. Does this mean I'm not called to the religious life?" Not necessarily! We're all human and as humans, God has designed us for marriage ("male and female He created them.") Marriage is a good thing and a natural desire. A vocation to the religious life, however, is not natural. It is supernatural. When Christ calls someone to the religious life, to complete and total union with Him, He is calling them to rise above their natural passions and enter into a supernatural relationship. To give up everything and follow Him. He is calling them to a great sacrifice. That's exactly what this vocation is. A sacrifice of self. So don't be worried or distressed if your imagination strays with thoughts of romanticism but calmly and patiently refocus your mind on discerning God's will and not your daydreams.
It is natural for us as humans to desire marriage but to desire a life of sacrifice with Christ is a desire placed on your heart by God. Don't ignore it. Listen and follow it. God may just be calling you to a life of divine love, union with Him, and more spiritual children than you can count! Whatever you do, whether dating or discerning a religious vocation, seek God's perfect and holy will. As long as we strive to do His will, we can't go wrong.
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| Photo credit: Sisters of St. Francis of Perpetual Adoration |
